All are welcome at my table
The discomfort in my gut after eating the cheesecake
The rush of the cheesecake
The pain of the lactose cramping my stomach
The shame at having eaten sugar again
The confidence that one slice of cheesecake makes no impact
The agony of waiting for a text from him
The warmth in remembering his acts of love
The unknowing if he will still choose me when I show my insides
The knowing that I will thrive if he doesn’t
The feeling that I will die if he doesn’t
The sandcastle walls I have built to hide this feeling
The peace of having stayed true to myself
On the surface my mind chases itself in circles,
Underneath it moves towards acceptance
There is a practice in Zen Buddhism for reaching the zen state of consciousness – you focus your mind on a paradox.